Whispers

I felt empty. I felt hollow.
Can’t find anyone to hold on to and to lay back on.
These melodies I heard kept me from being sarcastic of them.
Instead of trying to understand, I ran away.
Far and never come back. Stupid call.

Never had a chance to appreciate the quality time because I have been standing on my own.
This is not the path I want to take.
But why I found myself dragging and fell down several times on this path.
Where is my unconscious soul taking me?
Will I be happy in the end of this journey?
Or is it too early to think I can finish this by myself?
I see no flash light coming over and I hear barely a sound.
All I can accept is me, stuck in this moment.
You, I am clinging to.

I need direction but ironically I see nothing but fog that strangles me slowly.
As I speak, I ran out my strength and my passion.
This is the lowest point of my understanding.
I don’t even know what I am telling you about.
Is this the best I can get?
And when I stand on these tables before you, you will know all the time was for..
For what?

Did I have the right to take a break and fly to the fake plastic dream?
I cried hard, tears streaming down my face and I slowly lose my breath.
Am I being over, crossed the lines and limit of available thinking?
Isn’t these kind of things is what brains are made for?

The fog is getting thicker and I see dark coming towards me.
Inner believes thought me I can stand by myself.
I am tired. I have enough of being tired.
I know the heart of life is good.
Always will. I just knew.
But I never exactly felt it.
Silver lining in the cloud makes me believe I am still here and move not.

These words I’ve been telling you meant nothing.
Hollow and empty.
That’s what it always been.
Pain throws my heart to the ground.
People said love will turn the whole thing around.
But when?
I wait patient enough and sometimes, thinking about this love thing made me stand still for a moment.

I am in the middle of uncertainty.
This train is taking me nowhere.
Honestly, can somebody stop this train?

I kept asking question.
I think this is good.
This is my way to trigger myself finding my own answers.
This is my battle. With myself.

Is this my self getting older and grow?
But I only good at being young.

What to do?
What to hold on to?
I still feel empty, hollow.

The train is still moving.
No one stop it.
Nobody tried.
No one even approach..

*self dedicated – enough is enough

– i –

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